Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Cease Indefintely

There apparently is a much more well established blog similar to this one. It is a lot more entertaining and full of great satirical content. Much of the stuff said here has already been long discussed there. So I've decided to cease this blog indefinitely, for one thing because it no longer has it's original flavor nor was it original in it's entirity. I considered the fact that it only focused on Asian American Culture as opposed to Asians in general, but there was no need to segregate Asians in a such a way. We are all Asians, whether Asian-American or not. It'd be kind of a bad thing to try to differ or, to some extent, say one is better than the other, which is what I thought having two separate blogs might entail.

So for the few fans that have come by and had some fun, thanks so much. And for anyone who stumbles across this on a night of internet surfing- check out the previous posts, I like them a lot.

For everyone, please be sure to check out

Don't worry, I'm currently planning on a brand new blog-

-Ryan Friday

Monday, April 21, 2008

#17 Basketball

Ask any Asian what their most favorite (American) sport is, and if they don’t say Basketball be surprised. Basketball is the (American) sport of all sports that Asians both habitually play and watch. If you look at basketball courts in high schools with considerable Asian populaces, or local courts of Asian neighborhoods, or the open courts of the gyms at University of California institutions, put your money on it that you’ll see a 3 on 3 or a 5 on 5 game going on between Asians.

Asians love this sport because it is one of the few sports that does not require much physical stature to be good at and occasionally. Some may argue height is an issue as few Asians range over 6’0 tall, but being smaller and thus quicker is known to be advantageous in the game of basketball. However, height is definitely an issue as Asians usually only play with and against other Asians.

Why not baseball you ask? You might say baseball might fall into one of these sports that Asians like since that does not require much physical stature alongside basketball, but put into an Asian perspective: baseball isn’t necessarily as convenient for Asians to play as much more is required than a pair of shorts, shoes, and an actually ball. Additionally, it is not too common for Asians to officially play sports for teams outside of Intramural Leagues and so playing baseball is out of the question.

In the most fortunate situations I’ve personally been in, when some friends and I were deciding if we should go play some “ball” or not, we eventually agreed to and several of my friends proceeded to remove their pants. I was a bit confused for a second, than I realized they had all been wearing their Nike basketball shorts under their pants above their boxers. I asked them, “Do you usually do that?” They went, “yeah, you never know.”

With the Asian basketball fan comes the basketball attire. Most Asian (males at least) own a pair of basketball shoes, several pairs of basketball shorts (no not gym shorts, basketball shorts as Asians are willing to pay the extra 10-15$ for basketball shorts as opposed to regular gym shorts), basketball jersey’s of their favorite teams and if you’re lucky, a basketball jersey from their respective college.

The NBA teams Asians preferably like are the L.A Lakers, Sacramento Kings, Golden State Warriors, Dallas Mavericks, Orlando Magic, and the Houston Rockets. For one thing the places these teams come from have dense Asian populations in addition to competitive NBA basketball teams, which is why we leave out other teams that come from other places with considerable amounts of Asian people like the New York Knicks, or the Seattle Sonics, Miami Heat, and so forth.

Playing basketball is extremely attractive for Asian females. If you have even somewhat the capacity to make a few 3-pointers and can dripple underneathe a you're egs, and perhaps perform a fancy lay up or two, you're well on your way to impressing an Asian female you're courting. And for you females, it's much easier as all you need to do is mention one of the following to your supposed Asian male you're trying to "get at":
1) Do you also believe that the Lakers are the most unstoppable team in all of Basketball?
2) I think Baron Davis/Monta Ellis are/is the best thing to happen to the Warriors.
3) Yao Ming is overrated, though still a crucial part of the Houston Rockets.
4) What's your take on why the West always wins the NBA Championship?
5) I think the Sacramento Kings have improved drastically last season, I think they have a great chance in making the playoffs this year. (this is a prediction that is stated every NBA Offseason, but turns on any Asian Sacramento Kings fan).

Monday, April 14, 2008

#16 University of California

Davis, Berkeley, UCLA, San Diego, Santa Barbara, Irvine; the Big 6 is what I like to call these Universities that Asians absolutely like. How do we know? Well on the horizon of graduating high school, Asians have the aspiration to attend one of these colleges. The clear cut evidence can be seen in plain statistics: pretty much a majority of the student bodies of the UC system are of Asian descent.

No disrespect intended to other colleges such as California State Universities and other private colleges, the drive for any upcoming Asian graduating student is to be a part of the system. Why? Well similar to why Asians like Medical school or engineering, it’s because their parents like these schools. For Asian parents to parade their children in front of other Asian parents is to compare or see which UC’s their children attend, on top of what they’re actually majoring in.

Though some may argue that well in general, Asians like all college, there however exists a high preference to University of California institutions. Often is the case where Asians make other colleges that are non-UC, or at least not on-par with the prestige of a UC, their back up plans in case they should not get accepted.

Getting into a UC for an Asian is almost as (if not, even more than) important as attaining a college degree. For the most infatuated Asians, it is pretty much “UC or bust,” as life would end if he or she would not be able to attend. But in most cases, the academic competitive nature Asians have with one another begins with what UC (or generally speaking, what college) they attend. Most conversation that Asians have with another when they first meet one another involves what college they attend, or plan to apply to. (that is, they don't currently attend the same one).

Then comes the faintly polite, but vicious conversation on which UC Asians believe is better than the other. As I said, most Asians are polite with one another when the topic should come up, but you can practically pick at the tension with a chopstick should you ever be lucky enough to hear Asians having this 'debate.'

Not to say Asians do not attend other non-UC colleges, but as we said before it is most likely that certain college was not their first choice. And if you're lucky, you'll hear their bitter rant on why UC institutions are overrated. And if you're really really lucky, you may get to see an Asian student attending a CSU, for example speak with one that attends a UC. Probably one of the most awkwardly entertaining exchange of words you'll ever hear, if your a fan of such things like myself. That certain conversation may go along a little like this:

Asian1: oh nice to meet you, so uhh what school do you go to?

Asian 2:I'm a sophomore at UCLA. Premed. How about you?

Asian1: Oh uhh. Yeah I go to uhh CAL State Long Beach.

Asian 2: Ohhh...... .. well that's cool.

Asian 1: Yeah... So uhh, nice weather huh?

Again, we hold no offense to those Asians, or anyone that attends a non-UC, the fact of the matter is many Asians do think like this. You will hear that sort of condescending tone Asian UC students will have in speaking with those Asians that don't attend one as well.

It's a bit of a different issue though when bring in the part about dating Asians with whatever topic we're covering. One doesn't actually have to be attending a UC, to date an Asian who does attend one. You better be sure though to hold as much respect for whatever UC that special Asian someone is attending. Be supportive and comment on how prestigious and wonderful that certain UC is.

"Oh you go to UC Berkeley? Oh wow that's quite accomplishment. You must feel proud."
"Oh you go to UCLA? I love the area down there. Such wonderful college atmosphere."

In the future we shall attempt to break down specific UC’s, and go more in depth as to what Asians like about them.

Friday, April 4, 2008

#15 American Bands with Asian members

To begin this topic, I quote directly from a friend of mine:

Though it doesn't happen too often, once every blue moon when you find yourself in mosh full of asians and then realizing that the only reason you feel like you're in Asia is because one of the band members is also a member of a another much bigger band, Asia.

When it comes to American bands with at least one Asian (American) member, typically these bands have pretty big Asian (American) fan bases. Some of these bands include Daphne Loves Derby (Kenny Choi, vocals & guitar), Yellowcard (the violinist is believed to be part Asian), and of course accordingly to a previous post: Linkin Park.

Let me be clear however: the claim isn't that Asians like only bands with Asian members, or that they like these bands because they have asian members.. It's without a doubt Asians like other American bands without Asian members. But when it comes to seeing a band they like that happens to have an Asian (American) member, it is considered an added mega-bonus. To put it simply, they like the bands but they like bands even more because there is an Asian member.

It's exciting for Asians in this discovery. This discovery usually goes a little something like this:
Asian 1: Oh do you like it? Do you like this song?
Asian 2: Yeah this band is pretty good. Who is it?
Asian 1: It's _____. And get this, the bass guitarist is Korean, and the drummer is part Vietnamese
Asian 2: Oh really! WOW! can you burn me a copy/send it to me.

#14 Snowboarding

Though this extreme sport is quite the favorite of people of many races, Asians in particular find this sport the most satisfying when it comes to keeping up with contemporary Asian-American culture. Many Asians are fashionably famous for their snowboarding being one of the only extreme sports they actually do as opposed to other snow or water sports.

You can see the evidence in your Facebooks or MySpaces, as often Asians will post pictures from their latest snowboard escapades they have with their friends.

And with liking snowboarding so much, comes the big package: hundreds (or maybe even up to a 1,000$) of dollars of equipment and attire, and of course the boastful and somewhat egotistical attitude and perception of themselves being able to snowboard well. It's a bit strange and maybe even appalling to these Asians when they find out an Asian friend of theirs can't or doesn't snowboard at all.

As we've discussed this competition between Asians themselves, snowboarding is indeed included. I can do the fastest runs, who snowboards the most, who has the best looking snowboarding attire, who has the best (custom-made) looking snowboard, who has a the best cabin in the mountains, etc etc. Not that we're implying that Asians are all known to be douche-bags about it, but there are those who just seem a bit humble about "being a snowboarder," but still have the same competitive drive.

Overall, snowboard is an appealing, attractive, and to say the least, extreme sport for Asians to like and be good at. Though don't go trying to attain lessons from an Asian on how to snowboard, or ask your friends for any pointers: often enough Asians will refuse to give you an extensive or effective snowboard advice as it takes away their snowboard time unless he or she is trying to date you. Even in the case where you're asking your Asian boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other of some kind for Snowboard tips, you'll for sure get some half-assed, impatient ridden things to know about snowboarding and you're off on your own while he or she does a 1:40 run on the hardest slope there while you're helpless on the beginner's hill.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

#13 Phở

Though this is specifically a Vietnamese dish, Phở is widely popular with all Asians. If you do not know what Phở is, it's basically a rice-noodle soup in a beef broth. Phở is usually eaten in the morning or early afternoon. Some Asians may tell you that Phở is the perfect cure for any hangover.

Phở places are usually your average 'mom & pop' places. Though there are a few commercialized establishments, Asians aren't quite the fan of these. Ask any Asian, and each of them have their own specific Phở place they usually go to and may possibly claim that not many other people know about it.

Asians each have their own method of consuming Phở, as one can have it with all the bean sprouts, leafy greens such as cilantro, and a little bit of hot sauce; or perhaps without any vegetables at all and pretty much drenching the Phở in hot sauce so then it becomes reddish in unecessary spiciness. Either way, specifically with contemporary Asian-American culture, Phở is a fun, entertaining, and sociable thing for Asians to eat. When non-Asians are saying "let's go on a burrito run," Asians can be found saying " let's go on a Phở run." Nothing against burritos, but Phở for Asians is just like any other food where people go out to eat and hang out.

And as I always like to mention, if you'd like to do the infamous 'go out to lunch' or 'do lunch' with an Asian person, take them out for some Phở but do your best and find a "dive" Phở place. ( as simliar to the term "dive bar").

Friday, March 14, 2008

#12 Choreographed Dancing

A few years ago, the t.v show Asians commonly watched was "The Wade Robinson Project." Now recently, it is "America's Best Dance Crew." Asians absolutely, perhaps even more than kareoke itself, love choreographed dancing. It is but one of the only things Asians are capable of being better at than other non-Asians. We can easily see this, as the top competitors on America's Best Dance Crew are, you guessed it, Asian American crews: Kaba Modern and Jabbawockeez (with the exception of their lonesome black member).

If you look at most dance organizations on a college campus, or even dance organizations in general, the largest and more popular ones are founded and consist mostly of Asians. I'm not saying all Asians are able to do choreographed dancing, it's just that most (exceptional) choreographed dancing is being done by Asians.

Moreover, Asians love watching choreographed dancing. They flip out in a moments notice if some event were to arise that involved some form of choregraphed dancing showcase or competition. Asians become significantly turned on seeing sexy dance moves, remixes, flips, and jumps, "isolations" and the like. Asians are even in love with the image that a dancer must portray. It's quite tricky to maintain this image, but Asians find this incredibly attractive, let alone the ability to do choregraphed dancing.

If you ever want to ultimately impress an Asian person let me give a seperate message to guys and girls.
Girls: easy, just dress like a (hip-hop) dancer. You don't necessarily have know how to dance. Just maintain a rythym. To accomplish this, just go to the beat, count in your head...you may captivate an Asian guy's attention with your cool cute urban dancer outfit, but not having any rythym would drive them away.

Guys: this is a bit more tricky. You indeed also have to come with the same urban-dancer-hip-hop outfit, but you may also need to know some actual dance moves rather than just having rythym. Asian ladies love a nifty, fancy dancer and if you can pull this off, you've done more than enough to impress her. And do not under any circumstances mix "cool dance moves" with "freaking," this does not qualify you as a dancer, but just another dirty hound in the club. You're trying to impress, not harass.

And most of all, be sure to mention something about Kaba Modern or Jabawockeys being your favorite dance crews on A.B.D.C. Success is yours.