Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Cease Indefintely

There apparently is a much more well established blog similar to this one. It is a lot more entertaining and full of great satirical content. Much of the stuff said here has already been long discussed there. So I've decided to cease this blog indefinitely, for one thing because it no longer has it's original flavor nor was it original in it's entirity. I considered the fact that it only focused on Asian American Culture as opposed to Asians in general, but there was no need to segregate Asians in a such a way. We are all Asians, whether Asian-American or not. It'd be kind of a bad thing to try to differ or, to some extent, say one is better than the other, which is what I thought having two separate blogs might entail.

So for the few fans that have come by and had some fun, thanks so much. And for anyone who stumbles across this on a night of internet surfing- check out the previous posts, I like them a lot.

For everyone, please be sure to check out

Don't worry, I'm currently planning on a brand new blog-

-Ryan Friday

Monday, April 21, 2008

#17 Basketball

Ask any Asian what their most favorite (American) sport is, and if they don’t say Basketball be surprised. Basketball is the (American) sport of all sports that Asians both habitually play and watch. If you look at basketball courts in high schools with considerable Asian populaces, or local courts of Asian neighborhoods, or the open courts of the gyms at University of California institutions, put your money on it that you’ll see a 3 on 3 or a 5 on 5 game going on between Asians.

Asians love this sport because it is one of the few sports that does not require much physical stature to be good at and occasionally. Some may argue height is an issue as few Asians range over 6’0 tall, but being smaller and thus quicker is known to be advantageous in the game of basketball. However, height is definitely an issue as Asians usually only play with and against other Asians.

Why not baseball you ask? You might say baseball might fall into one of these sports that Asians like since that does not require much physical stature alongside basketball, but put into an Asian perspective: baseball isn’t necessarily as convenient for Asians to play as much more is required than a pair of shorts, shoes, and an actually ball. Additionally, it is not too common for Asians to officially play sports for teams outside of Intramural Leagues and so playing baseball is out of the question.

In the most fortunate situations I’ve personally been in, when some friends and I were deciding if we should go play some “ball” or not, we eventually agreed to and several of my friends proceeded to remove their pants. I was a bit confused for a second, than I realized they had all been wearing their Nike basketball shorts under their pants above their boxers. I asked them, “Do you usually do that?” They went, “yeah, you never know.”

With the Asian basketball fan comes the basketball attire. Most Asian (males at least) own a pair of basketball shoes, several pairs of basketball shorts (no not gym shorts, basketball shorts as Asians are willing to pay the extra 10-15$ for basketball shorts as opposed to regular gym shorts), basketball jersey’s of their favorite teams and if you’re lucky, a basketball jersey from their respective college.

The NBA teams Asians preferably like are the L.A Lakers, Sacramento Kings, Golden State Warriors, Dallas Mavericks, Orlando Magic, and the Houston Rockets. For one thing the places these teams come from have dense Asian populations in addition to competitive NBA basketball teams, which is why we leave out other teams that come from other places with considerable amounts of Asian people like the New York Knicks, or the Seattle Sonics, Miami Heat, and so forth.

Playing basketball is extremely attractive for Asian females. If you have even somewhat the capacity to make a few 3-pointers and can dripple underneathe a you're egs, and perhaps perform a fancy lay up or two, you're well on your way to impressing an Asian female you're courting. And for you females, it's much easier as all you need to do is mention one of the following to your supposed Asian male you're trying to "get at":
1) Do you also believe that the Lakers are the most unstoppable team in all of Basketball?
2) I think Baron Davis/Monta Ellis are/is the best thing to happen to the Warriors.
3) Yao Ming is overrated, though still a crucial part of the Houston Rockets.
4) What's your take on why the West always wins the NBA Championship?
5) I think the Sacramento Kings have improved drastically last season, I think they have a great chance in making the playoffs this year. (this is a prediction that is stated every NBA Offseason, but turns on any Asian Sacramento Kings fan).

Monday, April 14, 2008

#16 University of California

Davis, Berkeley, UCLA, San Diego, Santa Barbara, Irvine; the Big 6 is what I like to call these Universities that Asians absolutely like. How do we know? Well on the horizon of graduating high school, Asians have the aspiration to attend one of these colleges. The clear cut evidence can be seen in plain statistics: pretty much a majority of the student bodies of the UC system are of Asian descent.

No disrespect intended to other colleges such as California State Universities and other private colleges, the drive for any upcoming Asian graduating student is to be a part of the system. Why? Well similar to why Asians like Medical school or engineering, it’s because their parents like these schools. For Asian parents to parade their children in front of other Asian parents is to compare or see which UC’s their children attend, on top of what they’re actually majoring in.

Though some may argue that well in general, Asians like all college, there however exists a high preference to University of California institutions. Often is the case where Asians make other colleges that are non-UC, or at least not on-par with the prestige of a UC, their back up plans in case they should not get accepted.

Getting into a UC for an Asian is almost as (if not, even more than) important as attaining a college degree. For the most infatuated Asians, it is pretty much “UC or bust,” as life would end if he or she would not be able to attend. But in most cases, the academic competitive nature Asians have with one another begins with what UC (or generally speaking, what college) they attend. Most conversation that Asians have with another when they first meet one another involves what college they attend, or plan to apply to. (that is, they don't currently attend the same one).

Then comes the faintly polite, but vicious conversation on which UC Asians believe is better than the other. As I said, most Asians are polite with one another when the topic should come up, but you can practically pick at the tension with a chopstick should you ever be lucky enough to hear Asians having this 'debate.'

Not to say Asians do not attend other non-UC colleges, but as we said before it is most likely that certain college was not their first choice. And if you're lucky, you'll hear their bitter rant on why UC institutions are overrated. And if you're really really lucky, you may get to see an Asian student attending a CSU, for example speak with one that attends a UC. Probably one of the most awkwardly entertaining exchange of words you'll ever hear, if your a fan of such things like myself. That certain conversation may go along a little like this:

Asian1: oh nice to meet you, so uhh what school do you go to?

Asian 2:I'm a sophomore at UCLA. Premed. How about you?

Asian1: Oh uhh. Yeah I go to uhh CAL State Long Beach.

Asian 2: Ohhh...... .. well that's cool.

Asian 1: Yeah... So uhh, nice weather huh?

Again, we hold no offense to those Asians, or anyone that attends a non-UC, the fact of the matter is many Asians do think like this. You will hear that sort of condescending tone Asian UC students will have in speaking with those Asians that don't attend one as well.

It's a bit of a different issue though when bring in the part about dating Asians with whatever topic we're covering. One doesn't actually have to be attending a UC, to date an Asian who does attend one. You better be sure though to hold as much respect for whatever UC that special Asian someone is attending. Be supportive and comment on how prestigious and wonderful that certain UC is.

"Oh you go to UC Berkeley? Oh wow that's quite accomplishment. You must feel proud."
"Oh you go to UCLA? I love the area down there. Such wonderful college atmosphere."

In the future we shall attempt to break down specific UC’s, and go more in depth as to what Asians like about them.

Friday, April 4, 2008

#15 American Bands with Asian members

To begin this topic, I quote directly from a friend of mine:

Though it doesn't happen too often, once every blue moon when you find yourself in mosh full of asians and then realizing that the only reason you feel like you're in Asia is because one of the band members is also a member of a another much bigger band, Asia.

When it comes to American bands with at least one Asian (American) member, typically these bands have pretty big Asian (American) fan bases. Some of these bands include Daphne Loves Derby (Kenny Choi, vocals & guitar), Yellowcard (the violinist is believed to be part Asian), and of course accordingly to a previous post: Linkin Park.

Let me be clear however: the claim isn't that Asians like only bands with Asian members, or that they like these bands because they have asian members.. It's without a doubt Asians like other American bands without Asian members. But when it comes to seeing a band they like that happens to have an Asian (American) member, it is considered an added mega-bonus. To put it simply, they like the bands but they like bands even more because there is an Asian member.

It's exciting for Asians in this discovery. This discovery usually goes a little something like this:
Asian 1: Oh do you like it? Do you like this song?
Asian 2: Yeah this band is pretty good. Who is it?
Asian 1: It's _____. And get this, the bass guitarist is Korean, and the drummer is part Vietnamese
Asian 2: Oh really! WOW! can you burn me a copy/send it to me.

#14 Snowboarding

Though this extreme sport is quite the favorite of people of many races, Asians in particular find this sport the most satisfying when it comes to keeping up with contemporary Asian-American culture. Many Asians are fashionably famous for their snowboarding being one of the only extreme sports they actually do as opposed to other snow or water sports.

You can see the evidence in your Facebooks or MySpaces, as often Asians will post pictures from their latest snowboard escapades they have with their friends.

And with liking snowboarding so much, comes the big package: hundreds (or maybe even up to a 1,000$) of dollars of equipment and attire, and of course the boastful and somewhat egotistical attitude and perception of themselves being able to snowboard well. It's a bit strange and maybe even appalling to these Asians when they find out an Asian friend of theirs can't or doesn't snowboard at all.

As we've discussed this competition between Asians themselves, snowboarding is indeed included. I can do the fastest runs, who snowboards the most, who has the best looking snowboarding attire, who has the best (custom-made) looking snowboard, who has a the best cabin in the mountains, etc etc. Not that we're implying that Asians are all known to be douche-bags about it, but there are those who just seem a bit humble about "being a snowboarder," but still have the same competitive drive.

Overall, snowboard is an appealing, attractive, and to say the least, extreme sport for Asians to like and be good at. Though don't go trying to attain lessons from an Asian on how to snowboard, or ask your friends for any pointers: often enough Asians will refuse to give you an extensive or effective snowboard advice as it takes away their snowboard time unless he or she is trying to date you. Even in the case where you're asking your Asian boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other of some kind for Snowboard tips, you'll for sure get some half-assed, impatient ridden things to know about snowboarding and you're off on your own while he or she does a 1:40 run on the hardest slope there while you're helpless on the beginner's hill.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

#13 Phở

Though this is specifically a Vietnamese dish, Phở is widely popular with all Asians. If you do not know what Phở is, it's basically a rice-noodle soup in a beef broth. Phở is usually eaten in the morning or early afternoon. Some Asians may tell you that Phở is the perfect cure for any hangover.

Phở places are usually your average 'mom & pop' places. Though there are a few commercialized establishments, Asians aren't quite the fan of these. Ask any Asian, and each of them have their own specific Phở place they usually go to and may possibly claim that not many other people know about it.

Asians each have their own method of consuming Phở, as one can have it with all the bean sprouts, leafy greens such as cilantro, and a little bit of hot sauce; or perhaps without any vegetables at all and pretty much drenching the Phở in hot sauce so then it becomes reddish in unecessary spiciness. Either way, specifically with contemporary Asian-American culture, Phở is a fun, entertaining, and sociable thing for Asians to eat. When non-Asians are saying "let's go on a burrito run," Asians can be found saying " let's go on a Phở run." Nothing against burritos, but Phở for Asians is just like any other food where people go out to eat and hang out.

And as I always like to mention, if you'd like to do the infamous 'go out to lunch' or 'do lunch' with an Asian person, take them out for some Phở but do your best and find a "dive" Phở place. ( as simliar to the term "dive bar").

Friday, March 14, 2008

#12 Choreographed Dancing

A few years ago, the t.v show Asians commonly watched was "The Wade Robinson Project." Now recently, it is "America's Best Dance Crew." Asians absolutely, perhaps even more than kareoke itself, love choreographed dancing. It is but one of the only things Asians are capable of being better at than other non-Asians. We can easily see this, as the top competitors on America's Best Dance Crew are, you guessed it, Asian American crews: Kaba Modern and Jabbawockeez (with the exception of their lonesome black member).

If you look at most dance organizations on a college campus, or even dance organizations in general, the largest and more popular ones are founded and consist mostly of Asians. I'm not saying all Asians are able to do choreographed dancing, it's just that most (exceptional) choreographed dancing is being done by Asians.

Moreover, Asians love watching choreographed dancing. They flip out in a moments notice if some event were to arise that involved some form of choregraphed dancing showcase or competition. Asians become significantly turned on seeing sexy dance moves, remixes, flips, and jumps, "isolations" and the like. Asians are even in love with the image that a dancer must portray. It's quite tricky to maintain this image, but Asians find this incredibly attractive, let alone the ability to do choregraphed dancing.

If you ever want to ultimately impress an Asian person let me give a seperate message to guys and girls.
Girls: easy, just dress like a (hip-hop) dancer. You don't necessarily have know how to dance. Just maintain a rythym. To accomplish this, just go to the beat, count in your head...you may captivate an Asian guy's attention with your cool cute urban dancer outfit, but not having any rythym would drive them away.

Guys: this is a bit more tricky. You indeed also have to come with the same urban-dancer-hip-hop outfit, but you may also need to know some actual dance moves rather than just having rythym. Asian ladies love a nifty, fancy dancer and if you can pull this off, you've done more than enough to impress her. And do not under any circumstances mix "cool dance moves" with "freaking," this does not qualify you as a dancer, but just another dirty hound in the club. You're trying to impress, not harass.

And most of all, be sure to mention something about Kaba Modern or Jabawockeys being your favorite dance crews on A.B.D.C. Success is yours.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

#11 Business Administration

We come to the last of our series of what Asians like in terms of career choices: Business Administration. Again the same reasons apply as I mentioned for both Med. School and Engineering. These Asians would hope to like to run their business or be in charge: CEO's, and what not when it comes to the business world.

Then there comes the controversial aspect of the "Glass Ceiling," which Asians may explain to you. If you do not know, the "Glass Ceiling" is a metaphor for an invisible barrier that prevents Asians from reaching these CEO and Managerial positions that Asians ultimately sought out for in becoming a BA major. (for more information, wikipedia.org is offers a fair amount of detail about it.) Asians are split on whether or not they agree the "Glass Ceiling" really exists. Though if you'd like to engage in some interesting conversation (more so, 'hit on') with an Asian Business Administration candidate, ask him or her if they believe it exists. Just prepare yourself via the link above if need be, it's a bit of a sensitive topic to some.

And as always, BA offers a very competitive field of Asian candidates. Though one can admit the material in these classes aren't as difficult compared to their engineering and pre-med counterparts, but the sheer competition that comes along with these classes is just as, if not even more, intense. Some Asians become involved in frats/sororities/clubs and join Business Administration related internships as to boast their resumes. Again it comes to down to who is involved in the most things. In the classes, Asians are even more notorious in keeping certain things from each other; even though I've personally seen Asians study together for these classes. Though there's nothing more annoying for Asians than having to help other Asians, especially ones that are well behind or not as good with the material, because in the end, it's every Asian for him or herself.

note: some may argue that I should include pre-law, however based on my own observations, there are far more Asians that like these three aforementioned career choices. However if anyone wants attests to this, by all means...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

#10 Kirkland bottled water/Water Filters

This is distinctively different then white people and how they like bottled water. Asians do not value water as much as buying expensive, supposed higher quality water. Though Asians do agree on the contents of regular tap water and that it's way too dangerous to drink. So how do Asians make ends meet? Asians went to Costco and saw Kirkland brand bottled water.

For about 5 dollars, an Asian can enjoy 36 (it could be 24) bottles of clean non-tap water goodness. Every so often, you can check an Asian woman's purse, or an Asian male's back pack and see that there is a bottle of Kirkland water nested in there. Don't ever try to get an Asian to purchase any other brand, as any other brand would be over paying for water. And rarely would you see Asians carrying around the metal/plastic reusable containers. Asians aren't necessarily known for needing to drink that much water as opposed to certain non-Asians.

So overall I'm not saying Asians stand against paying for water, Asians are just only willing to pay for the Kirkland brand. It is even more likely when going to an Asian's house/apartment, that you will find this gigantic kirkland case, probably still partially wrapped in it's plastic seal but of course with the ripped in hole for access to the bottles. Or if your even more curious, look in the recycling bins of Asians, and voila- empty kirkland bottles galore.

On the other hand, Asians are also famous for having a water filter. It is more economically and environmentally beneficial for Asians to 'make' their own pure and clean water; by taking away the supposed bad stuff in tap water with their awesome water filters. It is guaranteed that if an Asian household doesn't invest in Kirkland brand water bottles, most likely there are 1 or 2 (the record I've seen was in an Asian college household, which was 4) water filters laying around in the fridge or counter top. So I suppose Asians are a bit more gutsy in terms of tackling drinking tap water with the help of a water filter. I'm not sure if I've ever seen non-Asians that commonly own water filters...mostly because of lack of trust in them to take away the impurities.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

#9 Engineering

Next up, alongside medical school is engineering: computer science, electrical, mechanical, chemical, and civil engineering... just like premed, first entering college many Asians 'default' themselves to one of these majors. The same reasons apply, as to why Asians like Engineering: their parents like engineering, it's something they'd enjoy doing, the money, and well their parents like engineering.Engineering offers a similarly demanding and competitive college life, and minimal social life.

Not to say Asian engineer hopefuls don't know how to have a good time, but most Asians take their engineering very seriously and tend to overexaggerate how much time they need to commit to their work. Though when we say overexaggerate, it really means they like overly complain or 'bitch' about how much work they have to do...and unfortunately are famous for taking out this frustration on other people. Consider listening closely to a friend of yours who happens to be Asian and engineering: you'll realize damn this guy likes to bitch about Engineering. But they do enjoy doing it, there's no point to try and convince them " hey if you hate it so much, then why don't you change majors?" An Asian would never consider it.

This is perhaps the biggest difference between premed Asians and engineering Asians which is a lower chance in change in major. Because of how engineering is designed, candidates don't have a choice or option to opt out of engineering programs into other majors. Which is okay, because actually most Asians that do choose to be engineers because they really do enjoy physics, computer science, chemistry, mechanics and all the good stuff that comes with- more so than premeds and their respective majors.

Going outside of Asians choosing this as a major, many Asian women like engineering in the sense that they're attracted to engineering majors. However, it more so often the case that these Asian women that do find being an engineer major attractive are only referring to other non-Asian engineer majors. I directly quote from a close friend of mine, an Asian Engineer Major,
" it may seem as though these Asian women are attracted to me and my fellow engineering majors; where they find our dorky and nerdy querks and inside engineering jokes, our goofy yet slightly sophisticated attire, our thirst for technical knowledge, and our endless but highly intellectual and interesting rants and lectures about irrelevent facts of the technological world, are all cute and adorable to some extent... but litte do they realize that this is all platonic for us Asian engineers, but extremely sexually attractive for our non-Asian counterparts."

He's not bitter nor is he in a struggling competition for women with his engineer friends...he does have a girlfriend, but he admits that his girlfriend wasn't attractd to him because of his fixed engineering qualities and attributes he's famous for. You can test this, if you ever meet an Asian woman with a non-Asian boyfriend who happens to be engineering major. Odds are, she's very attracted to him because of his dorky qualities and resourceful technical knowledge. On the other hand, she may happen to have Asian friends with the same qualities, but no way would she consider being attracted to them. It's a phenemon that has been disputed for quite some time, especially by Asian men, but we leave the details out in respect to the blog.

edit: I recieved a request from an outside source, an Asian engineer major to add the following, this is focused on Asian males:

Asians like engineering because in turn, they become quite knowledgable in other sciences such as math and physics. As a result, Asian engineers sought out to help any girls in need of assistance in these sciences. Nothing makes an Asian feel better than being nice and coming to the academic rescue to girls struggling with math and physics. It may seem that these engineer majors are taking advantage of their capabailities, but fortunately enough engineers happen to know better and would never actually do any real exploitation. To put it simply, Asian engineers take pleasure in being nice and helping girls but don't worry they're nothing short of being harmless...and most girls who do sought for help know this.

note: William Hung is featured because he happens to be an Engineering major.

#8 Going to Asia

Whether it be study abroad or the annual summer trip, Korea and Koreans, Phillippines and Filipinos, Vietnam and Vietnamese, etc etc. Asians like going to Asia, or at least really like talking about going to Asia. Many Asians like talking about how great (insert their country here) is. And sometimes it's the case that Asians may make comparisons of their country with other Asian countries. Those who have gone back a significant amount of times are quite proud of themselves to have honored their countries of origin, and knowing their 'roots.' Many Asians feel it is necessary to make the return to their respective counries, and those who have been able to return consider themselves more culturally linked with their ethnicities. In other words, a Korean isn't not so Korean until he or she has been to Korea...and so on. Going to Asia is a part of every Asian's journey in self-discovery and maintaining a connection with his or her culture.

One important aspect that factors in when it comes to Asians wanting to go back to Asia: the food. America can only import so much and maintain authenticity. However, according to Asians many supposed Asian foods in America are hardly what the actual food actually like. This distinction is usually explained through the infamous Asian restaraunts that Non-Asians (Americans) love so deeply-refer to stuffwhitepeoplelike. Much criticism is recieved from Asians about these places and even about those who love that food. "This pho is nothing like the pho back home," or... "the dim sum in America is nothing compared to the dim sum in China."

But perhaps one of the more crucial reasons why Asians like going back to Asia is the *shopping. To be a bit more specific, Asia is known for a lot unauthentic, cheaply priced merchandise. We save going more in depth with this in a future post.

Friday, March 7, 2008

#7 Medical School

If there's anything in terms of career choice that Asians like, it's going to med school ( or other medical related fields such as nursing or pharmacy school) There is only but a handful of career paths Asians choose upon leaving High School. One of these paths is the Medical field, where around 40% (this precentage may be a bit inaccurate) of Asians initially choose going to Med School at the start of college for several reasons (this is in a particular order, yes it is): pressure from their parents, the money, to help people, and pressure from their parents. You may even hear Asians say, " I pretty much have no choice," more so they're 'forced' to like med school right at the get go. Some Asians may try to convince you that it was solely their decision to be premed/prenursing, but little do they know it was a subconscious decision infused by years and years of pressure from their parents they've recieved. On a side note, I agree that there those Asians who do choose a career in the medical field not because of the money, but it is something they'd really love to do. But the pressure that I'm talking about would never come from their parents if the medical field wasn't such a high paying profession. To put it simply, Asians like medical school because they know their parents like medical school.

Keep in mind, that we say "initially" choose, because we're empasizing that upon entering college, many Asians practically default themselves to being premed. But eventually (usually by the second year of college) a big percentage of these Asians will eventually change their career paths because they soon discover the nature of being a striving pre-med student sucks: not to say they now hate medschool, but they've come to realize that they hate the way to get there. Those Asians that do remain, love the competitiveness, highly-difficult classes, science courses, extreme demand for studying, and endless involvement in research, internships, and clubs related to medical school- that a premed is forced to live through all 4-5 years of college. Occassionally, there are certain Asians who have switched their majors to a non-science major, but still plan to go to medschool, as a way to 'dodge' some of the obstacles or at least alleviate the pre-med journey. Overall, if you take a survey of Asians that have changed their majors at least twice, odds are many of them were formerly premed, or at least have considered it.

If anyone wants to see the true essence of competition between Asians it's in Premed Asians. In classes, even though it is sometimes necessary that Asians must work/study together, Asians are known to witheld certain things from each other when it comes to this. In fact, some Asians absolutley despise having to help other Asians in the classes they're in, especially when it won't directly benefit them. Not to say they'd intentionally sabatoge one another (at least not that I know of), but there's nothing better that premed Asians like than knowing that they're doing better (in their classes) than other Asians.

This is even more evident when MCAT season comes for pre-med Asian hopefuls. As tough as the test is, and as much time, sweat and effort it takes to prep for such a crucial exam, Asians dont ever study together, or even talk about the test with other Asians planning to take it.

On the other hand, there's nothing premed Asians enjoy doing more than criticizing other premed Asians that study too much or are involved in too many premed related activities. Actually let me restate that: there's nothing premed Asians enjoy doing more than criticizing other premed Asians that study more than they do or are invovled in more activities than they are. They know for a fact in the back of their mind they too should be studying just as much, but to make themselves feel better about not doing so, they ridicule those that do. They get good laughs to say the least, but in the end they know they've got to 'step it up' eventually.

Though there are plenty of Asians who are humble about their pre-med successes, there are definitely plenty of Asians who boast about them as well. Outside of knowing they've done better than other Asians in the premed life, but being able to rave about it is the next best thing Whether it be with close friends, everyone, or in a blogger, Asians are known for inconspiciously showing off the grades they recieve, amount of clubs/medical fraternities they're involved with, or the research they're a part of.

note: as mentioned earlier, there are but a handful of career choices Asians like upon graduating high school. The rest, (business administration and engineering) will come in future posts.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

#6 Linkin Park

This one is pretty good.

Let's talk about this historically:
Though we have all been a fan of Linkin Park sometime in our lives, Asians are quite famous for liking Linkin Park because prior to the coming of Linkin Park, the closest hard rock of the sorts that Asians liked was Green Day or perhaps the Red Hot Chili Peppers on the rarest occasion. Prior to the coming of Linkin Park, most Asians liked Rap and R&B music.

Then when Linkin Park came out with the song " In the End," Asians flipped out. They saw this catchy song with rap but sounded quite hard-rockish, (and maybe sounded 'metal' to a lot of Asians who have never heard Rock before), with an Asian guy doing the catchy rapping, and some other guy doing the catchy chorus. Soon, the Linkin Park Asian craze took the Asian (American) Nation by storm.

Asians changed styles of dress: purchasing converse tennis shoes, wearing band T-shirts, spike bracelets, got piercings, dyed their hair, wore eye liner etc. , and got into other rock music (from Limp Bizkit, Staind, Incubus, Sytem of a Down, to New Found Glory Blink 182 etc) , but of course stuck to their new 'favorite' band, Linkin Park. Hordes of Asians attended these rock concerts, and the white people were astonished to see how ethnic their concerts had grown into. Asians found themselves in a whole new world and were excited and most of all felt good about themselves about how non-Asian they felt they were acting. Though the Asians were widely accepted by the white people, they weren't very accepting of each other, in the sense that Asians started insulting each other, calling each other poseurs (or other names of the sorts.) It became a big competition to see who were the biggest rock (Linkin Park) fans, which would go on for a years and years to come.

So now that we have some history, even though we touched the reasoning a bit, let's elaborate more why Asians like Linkin Park.

Linkin Park had very catchy music that was memorizable for everyone, therefore for Asians as well. Linkin Park has two Asian (American) members, who happen to be good looking. Asians go crazy just to see one Asian member of a band. Asian girls were quite in love with the two members, Mike Shinoda and DJ Hahn.

The image Linkin Park brought on was somewhat a dark one, but not dark enough to be evil or appalling because Asians couldn't handle the Marilyn Manson-type of rock image, at least at the time. So all in all, liking Linkin Park brought a new image for Asians to bring upon themselves, something that wasn't so intense, but intense enough to start liking rock music outside of Green Day or Third Eye Blind, to can now claim themselves to be hard-rockers, in some sense. Most Asians that did like these bands prior to Linkin Park usually kept it with themselves, because liking these bands as opposed to Rap and R&B was un-Asian (American) like. I suppose for Asians, Linkin Park brought on the best of both worlds, therefore making it okay for them to openly like Rock music.

Some other fun facts is that every Asian knows the lyrics to that famous Linkin Park song, "In the End." (Though, it's okay to argue that everyone knows the lyrics to that song). Also Asians usually refer to Linkin Park as LP.

Nowadays, the Linkin Park craze has died out a bit as Asians discovered new genres of Rock. Asians have dispersed to Punk Rock, Indie, Folk, Metal etc. Not to say Asians don't like Linkin Park anymore, when that new single came out, "What I've Done," every Asian went out and downloaded it. Even now, Asians will list Linkin Park as one of their favorite, if not the favorite, band of all time, and Asians will always list either Meteora or of course Hybrid Theory as one of their favorite albums of all time.

So if you're into rock, and want to enjoy rock music with some Asian company- wanna be sure to please them, be safe and play some tracks from Hybrid Theory. They'll all reminice on how much a big fans of Linkin Park they were (or are), (again they will probably have a big comparison to one another on whose done the most extreme things in regards to liking Linkin Park, aka # of concerts attended, posters purchased, etc.) and you'll have a "In the End" sing-a-long and good times... no alchohal needed! (not even cognac)

Monday, March 3, 2008

#5 Boba (Tapioca Drinks)

In case you didn't know, "Boba" is equivalent to Tapioca Drinks, which are more commonly known as milk tea pearl drinks.

Nothing is more refreshing and fulfilling than going to a local milk tea shop and getting some tapioca. For Asians, this it is required to enjoy Tapioca three times a week. Everynight, these places are crowded full of Asians eager for some milk tea and perhaps an order of popcorn chicken and/or ice cream. Though you can order milk tea in a huge variety of ways, most Asians "keep it real" and pay the 1.99 for the regular gmilk tea with tapioca. The more westernized ways to have it: slushy, cappucino, irish cream, banana strawberry smoothie etc, are more appreciated by non-Asians. It's usually on rare occassion when Asians have these outrageous flavors.

Asians and Boba are much like coffee drinkers and white people. These places have long lines of Asians eagerly waiting for Boba. Asians may not be purchasing three or four cups a day, but they casually drink it just as much, and is a great medium for Asians to socialize. Like in coffee shops, Asians will purchase their boba and hang out with one another in the shop upwards to three hours since buying their boba. The "upside" I suppose is that Boba isn't such a high maintence drink as Coffee is. Meaning there is no "soy, extra shot, whip cream, caramel, etc etc." option for each order. And if there were, perhaps the most one can ever modify a boba drink is "pearl or no pearl?" Though most Asians would call you crazy to not have pearl in the drink.

A lot of Asians have convinced themselves that they know where the best tapioca is, and one place is better than another. That's pretty much saying "this place has better lettuce than that place" or "this starbucks has crunchier chocolate chips than that starbucks." Occassional drinkers would never know the difference in tapioca, but Asians are no Occasional drinkers of boba.

When do Asians drink boba? Here's a short list: taking a break from studying, after working out, after a test/midterm, on a hot day, after clubbing, after a mixer from some academic/social club, before lunch, after lunch, late in the afternoon, late night, after dinner.

It may seem that I'm implying " all the time" but not really, an Asian would never have Boba in the morning.

Friday, February 29, 2008

#4 "More Than Words" (Filipinos)

For my own personal amusement, we're going to focus on a specific Asian ethnicity, only cause it's pretty funny. but this is something Filipinos like. But don't worry, in the future, for the purpose of other people's amusement, we'll be doing other specific Asian ethnicities.

We are definitely talking about the song "More Than Words" originally by a band called Extreme. but covered by various artists including the popular BB Mack version.

I can tell this is overly specific, and perhaps "sappy, acoustic love ballads" might suffice. However, the song "More Than Words" is just so distinct we give it it's own post.

We're actually not talking about how many Filipinos looove this song, but there is just as many who hate this song. The importance of this song to Filipino culture is that every Filipino has had some extensive exposure to the it. Whether it was a song between a boyfriend or girlfriend from back in high school, or it's your future wedding song, or you have had friends/brothers/sisters/ who have played this song so much that you'd do nothing but punch a baby in the face upon hearing it again. (thanks Dane Cook).

The point is, whenever a Filipino hears this song, some sort of really positive or negative reaction occurs and flashback to whatever moment or person is briefly experienced by the listener.

So be careful next time you're with a Filipino and you mention or perhaps even play this song for him or her, you will get one of the following reactions:
1)oooo I looove this song.
2)oooo. it's this song. ha . ha . ha (has a flashback)
3)ooooo. I oh man, change it now.

#3 Cognac

This is somewhat well known, but if you ask the number one hard alcohol that Asians prefer, it is Cognac. From the ghetto fabulous Asians, to your sophisticated Asian, if you want to party down, be sure to have your Cognac. Which brands of cognac you ask? Popular Asian preferences include Courvosier, Remy Martin, or a personal favorite of many (if not all) Asians from northern california, Hennessy.

Almost in every party, or club consisting of Asians- you will see constant series of downing group shots, but of course before each shot everyone needs to pose for someone's digital camera so they can post it on their blog or myspace (another future post). If you as a non-Asian would like to feel accepted in these social gatherings, just bring a bottle of any of the above cognacs, men will praise you, women may possibly fondle you a bit depending on how much they have drank, or plan to drink. I'm not saying take advantage of these women, no, Asian women can actually handle their cognac quite well.

And remember, do not call Hennessy, "Hennessy," any Asian knows you've got to call it "the Hen," or "da Hen." And occassionally for Remy Martin, just call it "Remy." By saying these cognacs in their full names disrespects how cool these cognacs actually are. (don't worry about courvosier, it sounds cool anyway).

For example, you'd wanna say, " anyone wanna take a shot of the Hen?" More than likely you will get a pack of at least 5 Asians running towards you with their hands in the air, over excited, and ready to party, as if you just called their winning lottery ticket number. Asians can go through a big bottle of "Hen" pretty fast, so expect it to last nothing but an hour at a party of about 15-30 guests. Sometimes at a party of more than this amount of guests, Asians are notorious for hiding their bottles of Hen or Courvosier in a paper bag wrapped in another plastic bag as to only share it with their closer friends. They too know the consequences if the word of a bottle of cognac were to get out...mobs would start, and in just one round of shots the bottle is gone.

Do not think twice about bringing Vodka, tequila, or rum, unless they're the high class brands such as Patron, Belvedere, or Grey Goose. Asians are quite picky with their alchohol when it is not cognac.

It is also very common for Asians to keep the bottles in a collection in their kitchens or bedrooms of all their Cognac. Asians take as much as pride in their congac drinking, almost as much as Asians an Kareoke. (refer to #2). And behind each bottle most likely is a story of such drunken antics but nothing too crazy... Asians aren't really known for doing things too insane like otherNon-Asians.

And Asians will drink Cognac in no other way except in the form of shots, and the occasional half shot for those who need to slow down a bit, or the Designated Driver as even an Asian DD cannot resist drinking just a little Cognac. And you may also see Asians buying a "fifth" or what I like to call, old man's small bottle, of Cognac and do innocent sipping behind the scenes.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

#2 Kareoke

This is quite obvious and a bit trite, but deserves mention... yes no one loves kareoke nearly as much as Asians do. It is almost required for all Asians to like Kareoke and everything about it. Where are all the Asians on a Saturday night? They're all at your local KTV, singing their hearts out to various popular American songs, and songs popular from whatever Asian ethnicity they're affiliated with. Don't know what KTV stands for? That's Kareoke T.V for all you non-Asians. Just think of bar, add a whole bunch of rooms each with a huge television, leather couch seating, a huge glass table, several microphones, party-clubbing lights such a disco ball, and a binder 10000 pages long full of American songs, Filipino Songs, Chinese Songs, Korean Songs, Japanese Songs, and if your lucky, Indian songs.

There's also the Magic Mic which is pretty much a portable KTV. Imagine if a t.v remote and a microphone had a child, then out would come the Magic Mic, that can directly attach to your T.V with all the songs stored inside of it, but only about 1000-2000 songs. With the coming of the Magic Mic, every Asian party can enjoy the wonders of Kareoke without having a Laser Disc player, seperate microphones, and a stereo system. This is were the infamous American Idol-mic originated from and other forms of.

Asians are the first to appreciate singing songs that don't belong to them and without having to memorize the words. Oddly enough we don't see many Asians on American Idol, even though they do more singing of songs that aren't theirs more than anyone else. It's okay, Asians know they can't really compare to non-Asian singers, but that's the beauty of Asians and their Kareoke. Those who clearly know they cannot sing are still secure with themselves to have a good time, singing in every incorrect key and ruining the greatest songs of our time. You'd think, like all other Non-Asians, they would be drinking or at least influenced by some substance to engage in such an act like Kareoke, but no they don't need any of that all. Asians are more than willing to show off their singing. No one else takes more pride in singing terribly in front of crowd than Asians..they're all just here to have a good time. Like any other sport, you don't have to be excellent at singing to do Kareoke, and Asians embrace this.

So if you happen to be trying to date an Asian person, or have Asian friends you need to entertain for 2-8 hours, just mention "KTV" and they will go nuts. Especially Asians who are somewhat new to this country, you won't even have to speak much English, as every one of them understands KTV. And again you don't even have to be a terrific singer, just be sure you participate, all Asians find those who don't join at Kareoke party poopers (thus, losers). Just like in dancing at clubs, there is no wall flowering allowed without looking stupid, when it comes to Kareoke. Worried that there won't be a song you know available? NO WAY, most KTV's keep up to date with all the popular stuff of today...outside of hard metalcore, or underground hip hop. (a future post)

If Asians could, they would be putting there efficiency in Kareoke on their resumes, such as "Can consistently score 100's on Celine Dion songs, and U2 songs."

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

#1 Bloggers

Whether it be livejournal, blogspot, or of course the famous Asian-oriented Xanga, Asians love to do their blogging. This gives Asians the chance to emotional without having to show it. "I'm emo, but only on the internet." Here Asians get to do some artificial 'self-finding' or 'self-discovery' where it seems that if people can read about what is going inside my head, then maybe the answers will come to me.

Yes Asians love their blogging, it is where they get to talk about anything they want and hope to god someone will respond to it. And most of which when an Asian is blogging, he or she actually has a specific aim to who they want to be reading. Asians tend to be less inclined to be direct with their feelings or opinions, and so it gets brought to attention in a xanga or myspace blog. One may think that this is harmless, and that someone can't really take what is written online so seriously. That is hardly the case for Asians, I've seen friendships die away, relationships disperse, and opinions of one another completely change. Asians seem to take their blogging a lot more seriously than everyone else.

Then there are the really emotional blogs, where Asians are constantly stating how much things suck for them. Writing papers, studying for tests, jealous girlfriends, unaffectionate boyfriends, about not enough people liking them, not enough (good looking) friends. Though one can claim that "this applies to any blogger" then I suppose to be more specific to Asian blogging, then it's this: Asians get extremely let down when they soon discover, after writing such a heartfelt, emotional, well thought out blog, and no comments or responses are left. "What the, no one cares about me? sob sob"

This seems to be the sole purpose of why Asians have a blog...as to reveal whatever feelings that they as notoriously shy Asians, have trouble expressing. It is for the aim of receiving some sort of compassion they can't get for themselves in the real world. Or another reason, which is a bit similar to this one, there are certain things Asians are proud of and it's their way showing how non-Asian they 'think' and use words. (that is a future post, proving to everyone they aren't Asian).

I'm evidently including myself in the "slew" of bloggers as I too am too guilty of the act of blogging.
here's proof


Welcome. After reading the hilarious blogs from http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/ I figured the guy is probably Non-White, and then reading further probably an Asian American who attends or attended some University of California, Berkeley, UCLA, or SD possibly because ofthe excellence and conciseness of his blogs. (I'm unsure if the blogger is male or female so bare with me). But I thought to myself, why stop there? Aren't Asian Americans just as viable to social satire as white people are? There is no intention to hurt or imply the superiority of non-whites to whites, so neither are we implying the same with this blog. So as the description says for this, don't think this is racist if you think stuffwhitepeoplelike is not racist. It's all in good fun.

Though I of course welcome productive criticism, but so long as they don't consist of:
"We're not all like that."
"We don't all do that."
"I don't do that, so you're wrong."

That is ridiculous. Either your lying to yourself, or you're just an idiot. Of course the things said aren't true for everyone, but they're funny to assume and read about which is all that matters. Again I refer back to the brilliant website stuffwhitepeoplelike, and I notice those who seem to be white do not attest or bash the blogger for his generalized accusations and assumptions...it's a thing to laugh at. Those who can laugh at themselves are always good company for everyone, though it seems in society that most people cannot embrace idea, and when I say most people I mean most non-white people. But I suppose this whole blog is created for the purpose of testing that theory, and with the fact that I believe it is mostly Asian Americans that read blogs consistently in the first place. (a future entry).

Note: I recently found out that the person behind stuffwhitepeoplelike is actually a white person. That just makes it even more awesome.

So anyway, I hope to see you back often.

Ryan Friday